Another method of avoiding the truth is through needless confusion. As they make their case, wait for some small mistake to occur. Isolate this mistake, fit it to your whims and stay on this moment. English majors are real good at this. They can whittle out time through grammatical error and semantics. Do not let the argument progress any farther. With all of the attention focused on their slip up, the more that they shall feel responsible. Yet you are not done. You must make the killing stroke while they are stunned, weak, and pliable. Keep layering up needless things into the argument. While they try to sift through this debris, then you take the first punch.

I speak figuratively of the first punch. Although, within the privacy of your home, it may be taken in any way that you desire. Naturally these techniques are performed consistently throughout society. Yet, it is honed to a greater degree within American culture. It is essentially shrouding matters with layers of absolute crap and dismay. Society has placed needless laws that every parent must contend with. Should you ever be caught imitating society, then do not fret. Just as society makes laws, they also develop certain clauses that become a means to be used to cover tracks. Do not blame society for making the law because may they also made the loophole as a means for escape. Should one ever be caught punching your children, then a new excuse would have to be developed. You could do this on the fly. It is easier to knock the snot out of your kids. Yet police cruisers on your lawn is not something that you can be easily explained to the neighbors. Unless of course your spouse is a cop. If that is the case, then relax. Marriages to cops do not last that long. Although one would think that since one of them has a gun, this would not be the case.

The idea is to make things so needlessly complex that your children do not know what to believe. In fact, they are not for sure where they are or what they are doing at any given time. Your precious little bastards have done many things to hinder your fun. You probably did not say anything at the time. You let them slide. Now would be a good time to exact revenge. In fact, stockpile all of those lost moments for emergency use. They will not know what hit them. Docility and good behavior is sure to follow within the following days.

In order to show your determination in this matter, punish them anyway. The punishment should be really harsh. Since they have been good for a few days, reward is what they are expecting. That proverbial and unexpected kick in the gut will do more for their self esteem than any reward. Remember, self esteem is about how you feel about yourself. Once they have bent over in excruciating pain, everything after that is a picnic. This technique also confuses them. Remember, confusion is your friend because it keeps them docile when you are not around. In confusion, one may change the rules in mid-stream and they may never notice. Should they notice and dare to mention it, then this would be the proper time to instill that said swift kick to the gut.

Now that you have layered a month’s worth of mistakes on them all at once, they will not notice the lack of fairness. If you cry or pull out some kind of emotional harm that they have inflicted upon you, this will be even better. In the end, they will be grateful that you are so merciful. They will not know what hit them. The cool mom reputation that you have in the neighborhood will also be elevated. This is a win-win situation for you. That is what life is all about: you and winning.

There are long term effects to children growing up in this type of household. That will not matter. They have imitated you for so long that it becomes inevitable for this method to be passed on to the next generation. They will already be grown and gone by the time they notice this matter. They are someone else’s problem now, most likely their employer.

That is why your children must go to a good college. You really want someone else to deal with your mistakes. Work is nothing more than society’s way of derivative babysitting. It is a shortcut that works well because it plays fast and loose with rules and their well being. Of course you too play fast and loose, yet that does not matter because your job is done. You paid for their school, bought them a car, given them life, and everything else. If you have a daughter, then most likely she became a slut. That secret abortion was her graduation present. With all of your conspicuous spending on your children, then there is no rap that could be pinned on you. Your deeds shall go before you and no self-respecting citizen would ever doubt the matter. Besides, they would not notice because they are busy implementing the same methods to their children.

Congratulations! You have graduated from the course. This holds the equivalence of a bachelor’s degree in parenting. You now have a certificate that states that you know what you are doing. If one possesses a certificate, then one is allowed to rise above all suspicion, doubt, and other forms of dubious behavior. This is why society has certificates, so that the largely dense and disinclined may appear to have ability and knowledge. If it is on a certificate and in a frame, then it disputes all doubters. There is nothing that says credibility like a certificate or a plaque.

Keep in mind that your children may or may not come to their senses until adulthood. That is why alcohol and college are linked by tradition. Although they are grown, college enables them to still behave as children. Alcohol is a good vacillator for this type of behavior. The professors are no example to point out this situation because most likely someone’s child is their assistant. Banging grad students has become more acceptable and that keeps the professors behaving badly as well. College is sort of the in-between place in which all responsibility is passed and all tracks are covered. It is the hand-off in the relay. The buck is passed between you and the world. America is fortunate to have cash as king. By this time your child has been so infiltrated by mass media, reckless behavior, and their friends that they will never notice the con. Unabashedly they run out to join the work force because by this time they have acquired additional habits and vices to support. That falls in line nicely with all the drivel that television has been pumping into their brains all of these years.



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